“There is in every one of us, even those who seem to be most moderate, a type of desire that is terrible, wild, and lawless” – Plato
Do you really know who you are?
Do you know why you are attracted to certain types of people, places, pleasures or taboos?
What motivates you to indulge in the excesses of life – fast food, designer brands, social media, sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll?
We like to think we know what we like, dislike, or motivates us. But is it that obvious?
We set goals and make promises, and then we break them in a momentary change of heart. We embarrass ourselves time and time again, even after telling ourselves, “Don’t be an idiot, don’t be an idiot, don’t be an idiot…” We lie, we cheat, we steal, and we hurt people. Why do we always repeat our mistakes when we know how to stop them?
Carl Jung has an answer for that. He calls it the shadow.
What Is the Shadow?
Let me tell you a story. It’s quick, I promise.
Dr. Jekyll, a kind and well-respected scientist of Victorian London, teaches the idea that humans have two identities: one good, and one evil.
By separating these identities into two distinct personalities, he claims that it’s easier to control them, and in turn, easier to become a more complete person. He experiments with this idea himself.
Every night, with the help of various chemical cocktails, the Dr. transforms himself into Mr. Hyde – his “evil” alter ego. By releasing his evil side in the night, he can cultivate a morally perfect image to the public during the day.
If everyone were to follow this, he thinks, society would be a better place.
If you have already read the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, you know of the dire consequences of this experiment.
Mr. Hyde was not merely a release of evil; he was evil. He was a violent and aggressive character that terrorized innocent people, including one murder. Every evil trait that Dr. Jekyll hid from the public, Mr. Hyde embodied.
Yet Dr. Jekyll was the complete opposite of Mr. Hyde – he was a beloved member of the community and upheld a very noble reputation. Mr. Hyde was a murderer. Regardless, the Dr. continued with the ghastly experiment.
Why did Dr. Jekyll continue?
In truth, Dr. Jekyll was completely oblivious to Mr. Hyde, his alter-ego. He had no control over him. It appeared as though the separation of the two identities actually created two separate people. Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyll were two minds in the same body.
The classic story by Robert Louis Stevenson is not as fictional as you may think. It’s merely an amplification of what happens every single day to every single person.
We all have a dark side, a part of ourselves that we “Hyde” from the world. We mask it so well that it is not just blind to others – it’s blind to ourselves.
“The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.” – Carl Jung
Carl Jung did not choose the name “the shadow” by mere fluke. In the most literal sense, a shadow is a mirror reflection of darkness. You can’t pursue it, you can’t escape it, and you know it’s not leaving even no matter where you run. And the further you run, the larger it gets.
In the realm of Carl Jung and analytical psychology, the shadow exhibits every manifestation behind our inferior identity. He chose this name to symbolize the dark and elusive nature of the unconscious. Anything we ever hid from the public eye – repressions, fears, insecurities, or pains – have been conveniently stored in the archives of our psyche. This is what makes up the shadow.
At its core, the shadow represents our unconscious inferiorities. Of course, we may not explicitly express our inferiorities directly through words. But they can be easily identified through non-verbal queues like mood, behaviour, body language, or even health.
The Nature of The Shadow
The shadow embodies everything that the ego does not identify with. We all have an ideal image of who we think we are; that is ego. But the shadow is much more difficult to grasp – it represents the underlining motives as to why and how we constructed our ego. It is like a sort of “anti-ego” or “alter-ego”.
Although our shadow traits and unconscious habits are remarkably hard to observe, they tend to dictate the majority of our decisions. It is estimated that the unconscious governs 90-95% of our lives (1)(2). It is almost as if we are being controlled by an entirely different person.
Think about the motives behind your likes, dislikes, friends, and lovers. They may seem obvious at first glance, but consider the idea that we are on autopilot for the vast majority of life. Do we really know why we like the things that we like?
For 95% of every choice we make, there is an unconscious desire that drives that decision. Truthfully, we have no conscious idea of what attracts us to people, places, or substances. They are merely the result of repressed tensions, endlessly searching for a way to ease the pain.
As human beings, we only have access to a small part of the unconscious, and it takes considerable cognitive effort and diligent practice to really understand its nature.
“The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing” – Socrates
Cognitive Dissonance
Why is it so hard, or even impossible, to recognize our shadow traits?
The brain has a funny way of justifying our need to want something. For example, we choose to drink when we are depressed because drinking makes us feel good. Or we smoke cigarettes because they are fun to socialize on, and socializing is fun, and having fun is good!
This is called cognitive dissonance:
Definition: the internal conflict that occurs when preconceived beliefs are challenged by new stimuli (3). This occurs when you justify your need to obtain something desirable – even if you know it’s toxic.
“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist” – Charles Baudelaire
We will go out of our way to rationalize our misdoings or bad habits for the sake of satisfying our inferiorities. While we may consciously justify the decision to pound eight rum & cokes or chain-smoke a pack of Pall Mall’s, it is really the result of a deeper need for pleasure. That is the work of the shadow.
Why are you always dating the same type of guys/girls? Why are you always late? And how do you rationalize your decision to eat eight cans of ravioli?
The answer to these questions lies in the dark realms of our unconscious. Since the moment we entered into this world of mayhem, we have been drowning in stimuli that have shaped and moulded our individual identities. Here’s a thought: we are more so a product of our environment than we are of our own nature.
Where does it start?
Most of the insecurities we cultivate are the result of experiences we had as children. The foundation of the brain develops during these early stages of life, and to some extent, they dictate our fate.
Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child estimates that more than 1 million neural connection are made every second during the first few years of our life (4). As we age our neural connections prune, and consequently, our beliefs solidify.
Because the developing brain is so nimble and fragile, it is impossible to keep it clean of inferiorities. When we are young, the brain is a vacuum for information – we are bound to inhale darkness somewhere down the line.
Some Examples:
- An overbearing mother will instil submissiveness into her son; he will grow up with a strong need for power over others, as this will mask the identity his mother governed him through.
- A single father may cultivate a daughter with a high need for femininity; the absence of her mother will urge her to search for a man who is sensitive, and who can give her the traits she longed in her mother.
- The daughter of divorced parents may cultivate a strong resentment for conflict; she hated seeing her parents fight growing up, so she developed a shadow of agreeableness.
- A son who had his father abandon him, or a father who was not around, may grow up very sensitive; he was not taught how to be a man and has a shadow of inferior masculinity.
As we age, our insecurities grow. The longer we neglect them, the darker they become.
We live our lives vicariously through our beliefs, morals, and principles while disregarding our fears and insecurities. We place them in the back of our mind and ignore them for the sake of emotional stability. It’s human nature – we don’t want our fears interrupting every part of our day. But they manifest anyway.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung
Just as running from a shadow increases its size, running from fear only increases its danger. The shadow bears the idea that unaddressed emotions will inherently manifest no matter how much they are avoided. If our urges are never released, they can turn a person incredibly dark.
The expectations and pressures of parents, friends, and of those who doubt you play such a large role on the ego. We are forced to put up walls and defence systems just to survive. And while it is necessary to repress behaviours and instincts just to decently adhere, we cultivate repressions nonetheless.
How To Identify Your Shadow
Truthfully this is not a simple process. Since we are only conscious of about 5-10% of our daily activities, it takes a substantial amount of cognitive effort to notice our inferior, “dark” side.
You must become a master observer – listen before talking, think before acting, and feel your emotions before labeling them. You have to become counter-intuitive in every facet of your life.
Here are some examples of some typical shadow traits, and some not so typical:
o Aggressive Impulses
Sometimes we’ll be having an argument and the slightest tick over our limits can make us lash out aggressively, only to recognize moments later how out-of-line we were. This is the result of repressed aggression, a symptom that occurs when we are not expressing our true thoughts. This happens a lot to “nice guys”.
o Inappropriate visualization
It’s New Year’s Eve and you work at a popular club as a bartender. You just finished an agonizing 13-hour shift, serving reckless drunks and cleaning up their hideous messes.
As your leaving, thanking God, your boss points to the restroom, “Dude, you still got the shitter to take care of”. For a brief moment (maybe not so brief), the image of you strangling your boss and beating his face to a pulp riddle’s your imagination.
The imagination is naturally repressed, and that’s what makes it so dark. Thankfully we are not legally allowed to act on every impulse we have, and rightfully so, or we would be a society of lawless freaks.
Yet while we learn to repress such impulses, they are by no means dormant – they may come out as passive-aggressiveness, distrust, rudeness, and alienation. You will learn to resent your boss for merely doing his job.
o Repressed Sexual Urges
As hard as it is may be to admit, sexual instincts have a huge grasp on our unconscious. We can’t help but admire a beautiful person when we see one.
You could be in the produce section of the supermarket, minding your own business, when suddenly the most immaculate beauty of a buttocks graze’s yours. You stare. You admire. You sulk in the moment, you grab your damn kale, and you proceed to the next item on your grocery list.
While the vast majority of society learns to hide these desires quite well, things get really dark when we look at the extremes. The vile nature of sexual predators, predominantly men, is extremely dangerous.
Most predators do not think they are in the wrong when they rape, abuse, or molest others. Or at least, they justify their reason for doing so. Their sexuality is so awfully repressed that it controls them into committing unspeakable atrocities.
Take a look at the Catholic Church – why is there such a strong correlation between priesthood and pedophilia? It raises the question: is the path of priesthood suggestive of cultivating repressed sexuality?
While there may be some genetic predispositions at play, sexual predators are largely determined by the environments of their childhood, their upbringing, and previous traumas.
Note: There is never a justification for sexual abuse. But by understanding the nature of sexual predators, we can learn how to prevent them in the future.
o Getting pleasure from other people’s misfortunes
This is actually a legitimate concept, and it’s called Schadenfreude. The brain signals and reacts at the misfortune of others – and it feels good, temporarily. As hard as it is to admit, we enjoy seeing others go through pain (5). Human nature can be quite dark.
For instance: A friend is running, they trip, and face plant into the ground. Our first reaction is to laugh, not help. It is only a few seconds after that we proceed to show compassion, sympathy, and so forth. We have all been there.
Vice versa, the same goes when bad news falls upon you. For instance: you broke up with your boyfriend, and you tell all of your girlfriends the news.
Consciously, they will comfort you, tell you how sorry they are, and shower you with attention. But there is a very small part in the unconscious that is secretly happy when they hear the news – even if it is just for an instant. Bitches.
Humans have a deep need for aggression, rivalry, and justice, which is a byproduct of our evolution (6). If you were strong, it vastly improved your chance of survival. So when our ancestors saw others go through pain, it actually improved their wellbeing because it meant that they were stronger.
o Bullying
Bullies are not born – they are cultivated. Someone else, maybe a parent or an older sibling, taught them how to tolerate physical or emotional pain. Consequently, they need a way to release their tension and express their insecurities. Inflicting pain on someone else seems like the most rational decision.
The quickest way bullies learn to cope with their feelings is by projecting them onto others. They have a shadow of inferior strength or dominance, and they cover it up the same way they learned it.
“Hurt people, hurt people” – Will Bowen
o Addiction
It’s one of the darkest parts of the psyche. When the shadow grips you into addiction, it can become almost impossible to climb out.
Addiction stems from the desire to look for something outside of ourselves. Whether it was triggered by a lack of parental support, abandonment issues, or some sort of traumatic experience, addiction is inherently rooted in a lack of connection.
It’s never the affection for drugs that drives someone to shoot up or pop pills – it’s a plea for love.
Somewhere down the road of your life, you were broken, and a little hole in your heart emerged. You never quite repaired that hole. As you age, the hole matures, and your shadow grows.
You get a taste for serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins through external remedies – the antidotes you couldn’t find in yourself or another person – and they become your association to pleasure, reward, and love.
Addiction is by no means a conscious decision. Addiction is a coping mechanism to an unconscious pain, desperately crying for help.
o Narcissism or Moral Superiority
We all know someone who thinks they are “invincible”, that they can do no wrong no matter the situation. They are possessed under the belief that anything they touch turns to gold.
A shadow of narcissism is accompanied by an enlarged ego and low self-awareness.
On the contrary, narcissism is exponentially more difficult to recognize inside of ourselves. It is so easy to criticize others for their flaws and imperfections, but when it comes to our own flaws, we are oblivious.
We are all on the spectrum of narcissism. But it’s those who cannot see or tame their inner narcissist who tend to exhibit it the most.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” – Carl Jung
o Perfectionism
The need to be perfect in any given situation is usually accompanied with low self-esteem, excessive guilt, and a high need for approval.
Perfectionists need to be perfect to be happy, and because perfection is impossible, they are rarely happy. It comes as no surprise that perfectionists have high degrees of anxiety, depression, and OCD. Their shadow is deeply rooted in the fear of rejection.
“The brightest flame casts the darkest shadow.” – George R.R. Martin
Beauty & The Beast
A great representation of the shadow appears in the story of Beauty & The Beast. This is the last story, I swear.
Gaston – a young, rude and arrogant hunter – is turned into a repulsive monster by an enchantress who is punishing him for his rather beastly attitude. His spell: Gaston has 10 years to find a lady lover or else his curse will endure forever.
Now a literal “beast” on the inside and out, Gaston must find a way to get someone to love him for his personality, as his obscene facial hair and wool body are not much coveted to pretty ladies. He has turned into the manifestations of his attitude.
The arrogant Gaston had adopted rude tendencies as a child, likely due to the environment in which he grew up. Since he was never rewarded for showing empathy or kindness, he disregarded them entirely and they repressed into the back of his psyche. He was not arrogant by choice; he was arrogant by nature.
The story takes on the journey of the Beast learning to consciously accept his shadow traits of compassion, empathy, and kindness. Once he becomes complete, he wins over Belle and simultaneously ends his curse. He turns into a prince who is charming, hairless, and kind. And of course, they live happily ever after.
Without the recognition of his repressed emotions and attitude, the Beast would have remained “a beast” (and hairy) for life. He would have also lived the rest of his days without a Disney princess lady-lover.
That’s the beauty of integrating the shadow – you can resurface virtuous traits, too.
Integrating Your Shadow – Why?
It’s a valid question – why should we integrate our pain and inferiority? Would that not add to the stress of day-to-day life?
There is an objective truth of the unconscious: it will control you whether you realize it or not. So you may as well learn how to work with it.
Integrating your shadow is not just about recognizing your weaknesses; it’s about becoming whole. Those who are aware of their own chaos have the ability to regulate it; those who are unaware let it fester and grow.
Integrating your shadow comes at a cost of humility, fear, and more anxiety. But the rewards can guide you on a pursuit of purpose and passion. If you want to grow and develop your skill-set, confronting the dragon in your mind is a necessary step.
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek” – Joseph Campbell
So, who are you?