Personal Development is a lifelong rollercoaster filled with ups, downs, twists, turns, and somebody telling you to enjoy the ride.
Defined by the conscious act of building and sculpting your identity, personal development involves a set of activities that fosters growth and nurtures self-awareness.
Such activities include meditation, physical activity, nutrition, and any sort of self-education. Those who commit themselves to these types of practices often incur benefits of:
- Improved relationships
- Higher confidence
- Enhanced self-esteem
- Financial freedom
- Physical health
- Mental wellbeing
- Overall enhanced quality of life
Yet despite these benefits, there is one single reason that scares people out of leading a life of self-improvement. That is loneliness.
When you make the decision to grow, you open yourself to the world of the unknown. The monsters under your bed are now glaring you in the face; the dragons of your mind are now out of the cave.
As told in Joseph Campbell’s, “Hero’s Journey,” the dragons of your life can only be slayed alone. And however rewarding such a journey may be, you must accept the consequence of losing yourself – and others – in the process.
Growth in Nature
The cost of personal development is that you may find yourself to be very lonely at times. This happens when you are operating at a level higher than that of your environment. You outgrow it.
We see this frequently in nature:
In order for snakes to grow, they must shed their skin. This is done to remove parasites and allow for future growth (1).
Lobsters must moult their shells to regenerate their bodies. They can literally re-grow parts of their body during moulting! However it is a very dangerous process. Without a shell, lobsters are most vulnerable for prey (2).
Sharks are some of the biggest, most powerful creatures in the world. But if they live in a fish tank, they won’t grow past 12 inches and are virtually powerless. They can only grow as large as their body of water allows them (3).
Humans are no different. When we grow, we must shed our snakeskin’s of insecurity, lobster shell’s of inferiority, and fish tank’s of stagnation.
Thankfully, we are the only species on the planet that has the power to change our environment at will. But this gift of growth bears an emotionally bearing cost: loneliness.
The Power Of Vibration
Why do you feel so lonely when you grow?
The short answer: because you no longer resonate on the same vibrations of your environment. You outgrow it, and no longer feel connected to it.
This happens noticeably with your friends. It’s not that they don’t want to see you grow… They just don’t want you to grow more than them. It makes them feel weak and inferior.
If you are achieving more than them in your personal, professional, and intimate life, they will begin to resent and isolate you. They will try and tempt you back into their lifestyles, and make you feel guilty for not doing so.
Your friends don’t want you to change. Moreover, YOU may not even want to change. You love them dearly, even if they are a little toxic. You just have a hard time understanding why they don’t want to grow with you, and why they insist on doing the same toxic behaviors that keep them stagnant.
It’s a catch-22 situation: if you want to grow, you must shed the toxic weight of your environment. If your new lifestyle does not conform to higher vibrational states, you will fall back into your old self.
The solution, evidently, is to match your new vibration to a new environment. To find new friends, a better career, and an enriching lifestyle filled with habits that best suit your new self.
But this comes with a lot of pain that most people are not willing to subscribe to.
Is It Worth The Cost?
Personal Development is very uncomfortable.
You will lose friends, pleasures, and maybe even some family… so you have to ask yourself what’s more important: the expectations of others or inner fulfillment?
Consider this: the cost of not following a growth-oriented lifestyle will cause you to resent yourself.
Over time, you will be confined to low self-esteem, deflated confidence, toxic relationships, and indefinitely cast under the spell of others. You will never know what you are truly capable of.
Personal development leads a life of control. We can’t control our environment, but we can choose to create it.
You can avoid facing your fears only for so long, but there will come a day when you are alone at your deathbed. At this point, is any cost of reaching your potential even relevant?
Where personal development wins is in building your center: a strong, solid, and stable identity. You cannot be swayed from this center, no matters how strong the winds of life push you.
You are in tune with yourself, and feel whole – with or without company.
Loneliness is not a disconnect between others, but rather a disconnect within yourself. If you can overcome the initial growing pains of personal development, you will never feel alone again.