We all know someone who seems to have it all. They come from a good family, possess various attractive qualities, and will never have to encounter the fears of financial despair. Yet they are the ones who seem to suffer the most… What gives?
Depression is not simply defined as a chemical imbalance, nor is it based solely on life circumstances or genetic predisposition. It is a combination of various influences derived from the internal and external environment.
We look to perception as one of the biggest proponents that dictate one’s quality of life. But it is not the only one. Depression is a fiercely complex disease, and does not discriminate against financial wealth, good looks, IQ, or social status.
What Is Depression?
A common stereotype of depression is that it is characterized by excessive levels of sadness. But truthfully, sadness is only one of several symptoms.
It’s a cold heart, a heavy conscience, repressed rage, unmet needs, and a lost sense of self that defines the state of depression. When you are depressed, you lose the willpower to make conscious decisions. It’s the gradual process of falling victim to the weight, both of your pain, and your bed frame.
We are quick to jump to the conclusion that depression is merely a chemical imbalance in the brain. But it’s not that simple. If that were the case, antidepressants should have a 100% success rate – and they don’t.
By the same token, depression is neither the result solely of life circumstances. Scientists believe that only 60% of those with depression are conditioned through environmental factors, where as much as 40% can trace it back to a genetic link (1).
We can determine that dozens, if not hundreds, of factors govern the state of depression. Some probable causes may include family history, personality type, a previous medical illness, or drug abuse. Often times, these conditions will even overlap with each other.
The question as to what causes depression is different for every individual experiencing it. But what’s not different is the mode of thinking. All those who suffer from major depression share one common attribute: self-absorption.
Self-Absorption
Typically associated with traits of self-centeredness, narcissism, selfishness, and egotism, self-absorption occurs when you are negatively preoccupied with your thoughts and feelings and hyper self-conscious of your behaviour.
Self-absorption has a very negative connotation, and usually refers to the egotistical individual who covers his insecurity with overbearing confidence. But when it comes to depression, the result is not confidence. It’s private self-focus – the act of suffering in silence.
Self-absorption is a ubiquitous spectrum. If you have a pulse, you are to a degree self-absorbed. But statistically speaking, if you suffer from depression it is almost inevitable you possess extreme levels of self-focused attention. Of course, some are further down the spectrum than others (2).
In their theory of reactive depression, psychologists Pyszczynski and Greenberg suggest that depression is a self-regulatory cycle that occurs after a significant loss of self-worth. This results in a downward spiral of perpetual self-focus and self-derogation, creating a snowball effect that looms and molds the individual’s self-image (3).
Another study examined the relationship between depression and personal pronouns used in essays. Among a group of currently depressed, formerly depressed, and never depressed students, those with current or former depression had significantly higher usage of “I” than their counterparts (4).
Moreover, Mor and Winquist conducted a meta-analysis on the link between self-focused attention and negative affect. The results were clear – not only was the correlation between self-focus and depression positive, but it was private self-focus that generated the greatest correlation (5).
Each of these studies are consistent with Beck’s cognitive triad, which illustrates depression as a cycle of forming negative views about one’s self, the world, and the future (6).
Beck’s Cognitive Triad
In theory, depression is nothing more than a negative self-absorbed perception of one’s self. It’s waves of unreleased anger, a pang of obsessive guilt, a pitiful sadness, and a quandary of repressed tension squandered into a self-deprecating prophecy.
The complexity of depression is not based on what happens – it’s based on how it happens. By treating the root cause instead of the symptoms, you can reverse engineer depression and turn it into its polar opposites: abundance, gratitude, and confidence.
Whether genetically inherited or environmentally conditioned, depression is a very treatable disease. We know what happens during self-absorption, the question is how do we reverse it?
How To Reverse Self-Absorption
Important note: do not temper with your medication unless authorized by your physician. Rather, use this framework as a supplement.
1) Altruism
If self-absorption is the preoccupation of one’s own emotions, then it’s opposite is altruism: a selfless care for the wellbeing of others.
The best way to get out of your own head is to get into the heads of others. Altruism is the practice of selflessly devoting yourself to service without receiving any tangible benefits (7).
The paradox of altruism, however, is that you are not doing it for others – you are doing it for yourself. When you voluntarily sacrifice your resources for the benefit of someone else, the reward is a rush of dopamine that signals high levels of pleasure to the brain (8, 9).
“If your heart is full with love, there is no such thing as service, as it is a great privilege to do whatever is needed” – Sadhguru
Altruism is an effective way to channel your self-absorbed pain into happiness because it generates a win-win scenario. The reward you receive for helping others is a pleasurable experience in itself.
Psychologist Carl Bell suggests that practicing altruism can even help generate resilience, which he defines as the transmutation from learned helplessness into learned helpfulness (10).
Depression can be considered the ultimate form of learned helplessness. By studies show that altruism can actually rewire your brain from a victim mentality to an empowered frame of mind.
2) Meaningful Work
The idea behind treating self-absorption is to get out of your head and focus on something greater than yourself – a purpose, a mission, or a goal that fulfills you.
As we have determined, the psychological components of depression deal with an array of unmet needs and repressed emotions. There is something inside of you that is eating away at your soul and yearning for release.
Committing yourself to meaningful work can fill the void in your life with a passion. The work itself may be difficult, but if it is worthwhile you will find a way to overcome it. This also reinforces the notion that trying times can be overcome if you make it a priority.
It has been well established that meaningful work has a negative correlation to depression. Vice versa, meaningless work is linked to higher rates of mental illness and job dissatisfaction (11, 12, 13).
In Johann Hari’s book Lost Connections, he highlights four psychological needs that can be met through the pursuit of meaningful work:
- To belong
- To feel valued
- To feel good at something
- To feel you have a secure future (14)
“I kept learning that, in very different ways, we have become disconnected from things we really need, and this deep disconnection is driving this epidemic of depression and anxiety all around us” – Johann Hari, Lost Connections
Don’t work for the sake of a reward – the work itself is the reward. Connect yourself to a purpose, and you will have the opportunity to channel your depression into something powerful and worthwhile.
3) Positive Social Group
The opposite of belonging is fitting in.
Socializing is one of the best ways to get out of your head and into the present moment. But it can be hard to socialize with people who are not like-minded or who negatively affect your energy. This is what happens when you simply “fit in”.
When you belong to a group, you feel at ease expressing yourself. You are not confined to social rules and your defence systems shut down. Alas, you may remove your mask and behave authentically – it’s a relief.
From a perspective of evolution, humans are naturally tribal creatures. The purpose of the tribe was to look out for one another in order to ensure the best possible route to survival (15).
It has since become much easier to survive – physically, at least – and everything we could ever want and/or need can be accessed directly through our fingertips. Technology and mass globalization has granted us absurd convenience, and our tribal instinct has become obsolete. Consequently, we are tribal creatures working in isolation.
It can be hard to find and attract like-minded people, but it is possible with the right framework. In her Ted Talk, Nilofer Merchant explains 5 ways in which you can find a community to inspire, uplift, and have fun with (16):
- Practice
Practice networking and socializing as much as you can. This can be done through social media or in person.
- Proximity
Connect with members of your immediate community through events or social gatherings.
- Passion
Don’t be shy to let the world know who you are – expose yourself and take the time to do the things you love. You would be surprised how many reach out to you.
- Providence
If you share a common interest, reach out to people who you have loose ties with. Merchant mentions an example of Tereza Nemessanyi, who landed a job at Microsoft after years of leaving comments on other people’s blog posts.
- Purpose
A strong purpose will attract others to follow you and share your vision. It will also give you a sense of direction and what kind of people you want in your life.
“Long before community assumes external shape and form, it must exist within you. Only as we are in communion within ourselves can we be in community with others” – Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak
Become the type of person who you want to attract. Don’t settle for a group of friends who bring you down, belittle you, or make you feel like you don’t fit in – that is where self-absorption thrives.
It’s important to carefully consider who you are spending time with, because a garden is only as strong as its weeds. Socializing in groups with lots of positive energy counters the aches of self-absorption, and will inspire you to grow into the best version of yourself.