They say, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” But what if you are your own worst enemy?
Self-sabotage is that god-forsaken pain and suffering that you inflict upon yourself. It’s suffering that could have been easily avoided, that was totally illogical and irrational to begin with. It occurs at precisely the wrong time, at precisely the wrong event, always probing the question, “Why am I such an idiot?”
Despite your perceived irrationality, self-sabotage is really not that uncommon. And you’re not an idiot, either. We all have inner demons that are yearning for the opportunity to strike when the guard is down.
How many times has it happened where you had your foot in the door of an amazing opportunity, whether a job, relationship, or your best round of golf ever, and you threw it all away for no apparent reason?
Self-sabotage is a common motif that occurs all throughout human history, starting with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Both lived in peace and prosperity with a bounty of limitless resources. Yet despite these heavenly circumstances, Eve was still deceived into eating the forbidden fruit – inconveniently forsaking humanity to an eternity of evil and anguish (allegedly).
Self-sabotage is very prevalent amongst CEO’s of large corporations, as we have seen with Blackberry, Blockbuster, or Enron. And let’s not forget Tiger Woods’ sex scandal, Richard Nixon’s Watergate, Bill Cosby’s sexual assaults, and Hilary Clinton’s emails.
The truth is, humans are naturally prone to self-sabotage. The more you have to lose, the more likely you are to lose it. Becoming aware of your own self-destructive habits is not enough – you must actively go against the grain of your subconscious behavior and consciously alter your perspective.
Here are the top 5 reasons we self-sabotage ourselves, and how we can make better decisions in the future.
1) Control
In a world conceived by so many uncertainties, we try our best to control the ones we can. Of course, nobody like to fail, but what’s even worse is rejection. We would rather fail on purpose than expose our vulnerability to the power of someone else.
Instead → Do not control – adapt. Proper preparation is essential to achieving objectives, however, a plan can become obsolete if you do not consider failure. Understand that you cannot control all of the conditions of your environment, but you can control how you will adapt to them. Be flexible with your plan, but stubborn on your vision.
2) Fear
This often happens when climbing the ladder of success – whatever “success” means to you. It opens you up to a whole new gateway of risk, doubt, peril, and danger. The higher you climb, the more discomfort you are exposed to. We hate to fail, but sometimes failure feels more comfortable than success.
Instead → Understand that failure will provide you with more knowledge and wisdom than success ever will. Take your mistakes as an opportunity to learn, and be grateful that you will have many more chances to improve on them in the future. The process of achieving goals is usually more rewarding than the goal itself.
3) Pressure
There’s no coincidence that self-sabotage often happens at the worst possible times. That’s because the burden of desire correlates to the weight of its pressure. The more we long for something, the more stress and anxiety we attribute to it. In high-pressure circumstances, we spend more energy thinking and analyzing than actually performing. Overthinking and overanalyzing will encourage a ‘flight’ response in your nervous system, which breeds habits of sabotage.
Instead → Channel the pressure into strategizing and performing. Pressure is energy, and suppressing it will only release it unfavorable ways. Working with the energy of pressure will encourage a ‘fight’ response in your nervous system, and will stimulate a higher level of performance. That’s why it’s easier to write a 5-page essay that’s due in 1 hour than if it was due in 1 month.
4) Complacency
Success propagates complacency. The law of familiarity suggests that when we see something enough times, we become familiar with it and thus our senses are destigmatized to their spell. We no longer feel compelled to use the same tactics and strategies to achieve success that got us there in the first place. We have become complacent with them, and have become too conservative to take any new risks or initiate new sparks.
Instead → Create new metrics and measures to track your relative level of performance. The easiest way to become complacent with mediocrity is to never change your goals. Your goals should be tracked based on effort, and not on absolute value. If you make goals that are too easy, you are shortchanging yourself out of your true potential.
5) Boredom
We like to think that eradicating all stress out of life is what’s best for us. But truthfully, stress is an innate part of the human condition – we need it for our own sanity. When life is good and stress is low, the brain will become uncomfortable and thus seek out stressful stimuli. We often sabotage ourselves out of boredom, just to get our fix of cortisol and adrenaline.
Instead → Understand that stress is addictive – the release of cortisol can make us feel damn good. We don’t feel much when we are bored, and those self-destructive rushes of adrenaline help us to feel something. So if you do not have anything that you are actively chasing or seeking, your brain will decide it’s time to produce its own stress. Do not try and eliminate stress – manage it. Seek out challenging goals and objectives that will make you a better person.